remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
