That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
