Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dick very happy bro
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
