I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
