I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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