Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
