Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I supernannyed him into submission
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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