I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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