During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize