My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
