I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
