no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
