Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
