I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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