Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
