his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
