Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
