Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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