stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
