I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Panties = found
Randomize
