I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
