Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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