I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Please don't give away my fajitas
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