I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
