Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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