just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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