your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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