I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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