My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
