i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My vagina is officially offended.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
