The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
