So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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