I can tuck mytits in my pants
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
