I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
