so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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