Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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