Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
