You made me cry and you don't even care
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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