I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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