I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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