my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
