I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
