oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
