i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
