I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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