Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
