the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
