pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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