i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
