hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She said her name was "party"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
