Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
