I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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