He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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