How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
