so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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