So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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