it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
