The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
