after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
