I have demons in me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
