He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
