why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
