i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
