how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
